If scatal humour, or talk of bodily functions in general, isn't your thing...I would recommend giving this one a miss.
This illness does one absolutely no favours when it comes to fortifying healthy relationships, not least due to the metabolic havoc wrecked in one’s intestines by dysfunctional eating. It’s not conducive to people wanting to stick around for very long, that’s for sure.
Turns out that neither severely restricting, nor consuming extortionate quantities of single vegetables gives your intestines much confidence in your ability to provide them with a steady and predictable stream of nutrition. The flatulence resulting from that kind of behaviour alone is bad enough...but oh boy, nothing can prepare you (or anyone within 10 metres of you) for what follows when you start eating regular meals again.
The refeeding farts. The odds are never in your favour. As the body gets used to receiving improved, regular fuel again, it’s almost as if the gut bacteria have shaken and popped the biggest, fizziest bottle of champagne ever to grace this earth and partied as if it’s the last night of their lives. I mean, I don’t blame them.
Yet to all who have been unfortunate enough to have been privy to this on my account, I apologise deeply. I apologise from the bottom (HAHA) of my flatulent soul. To my parents, especially, who have had the added bonus of being under the same roof as me during the winter COVID lockdown …my deepest, deepest condolences.
The solid stuff is often problematic, too. Turns out the large intestine finds abnormal and/or irregular eating a challenge when it comes to the expulsion of waste contents...and, I suppose that’s fair enough. My party trick? I can go from one to six on the Bristol Stool chart in under 10 seconds, baby.
But, I have to say...I’d sort of forgotten just how incredibly satisfying the feeling of ridding one‘s body of a healthy kilo of faeces can feel. It’s safe to say, now things are starting to become more regular down there, I’ve been immensely enjoying this feeling again. It’s like hygge, but more exciting.
Oh, recovery is so hard and unpredictable. But at least my bowels aren’t anymore. Silver linings, eh.
“A meaningful quote or Bible verse here seems slightly off-piste with this topic.”